Hello Lovelies,
DISCLAIMER: I know the title of this post reads “Encouragement for the Good Girl/Good Guy” but really none of us are good. For the Bible says in Romans 3:23-24
for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 being justified [g]freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,
This post is a Word of Encouragement for the young and mature men or women who have been walking with God. I want to uplift, remind, and encourage you to continue the race! Often, the sermons we hear in the church are specifically catered to the lost, to reel them in to listen to the gospel, to become future disciples, and as a call to salvation. The primary calling of followers of Christ is that we all have a personal duty to help plant seeds in others by sharing the word through evangelism.
That call of duty is most necessary; however, sometimes we need to encourage the ones fighting the good fight. Have you grown up in the church? Or have you been walking with God for years? There have been times in the past and in my single season when I wondered when I would hear something that applied to my life on the pulpit. I want to be that for you today as you read.
What about the ones who have been walking with God for years, the ones who have grown up in the church and feel like they need to experience life before they become an old maid, the ones who have been questioning why they must wait or are just tired of waiting because it’s taking so long?
Personal Testimony
I’ve been there before. Once upon a time, I thought that when I reached a certain age, if I were not dating or had never dated, I would go out on a limb and put myself out there “for the experience.” I did not know that was a seed from the enemy to get me off track from the standards I had grown up knowing and following. Please remember if this is you: You DO NOT need experience for a successful marriage or relationship. You need God at the center of your life so that you can discern his voice and discern if a potential prospect is your spouse; don’t allow this lie to permeate.
There was a time right before my husband came into my life when I felt heavy with desire and readiness for marriage. I had always been marriage-minded from a young age, but that specific year, my desire/readiness felt supernatural. I remember telling one of my good friends that I was ready to love and be loved. That coming out of my mouth was surprising, even to me, because, in the past, I shied away from relationships or love interests due to fear of being with the wrong person.
Hindsight is 20/20
The future me now understands that God implanted that desire because he was unveiling me to my husband soon and I needed to be ready. You see, these things are spiritual. Something was shifting in the atmosphere for me, and my blessing (my husband) was right around the corner. Some of you reading this also have a blessing right around the corner. Don’t mess it up by adding the baggage of engaging in a sexually immoral relationship or a “situation-ship.” Remain pure in mind, body, and spirit for the person God wants to place in your life.
Healthy Desire is From God. Maximize your singleness.
Use this readiness and heightened desire God has placed on your heart to allow for the preparation through wisdom, counsel, and life to be a virtuous wife or a shepherd husband. Watch videos geared towards being a husband or being a wife. Get around others who are married and ask questions. Look into negative relationship patterns within your family and pray against those things. Go to therapy if you need some inner work. Use your time efficiently and maximize your single season. You see, both marriage and singleness are a blessing. And both can be equally hard. But do not succumb to the lie that you need to garner “experience.”
I am so thankful that God pulled me by my shirt in that season. The lie that I almost gave into could have ruined me and undid what I had been meditating on for my whole life. How many of you are contemplating giving in? How many of you are getting tired? Keep this scripture in mind.
Galatians 6:9
9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
That means if you are saving yourself for marriage, finish the race! At the proper time, God will bless you with a godly husband or wife. Don’t let society lie to you, and don’t let others ridicule you. We are all human, and we have hormones. Find healthy outlets for those hormones and feelings. God put them there, but they are not to be expressed until marriage. Let’s take a look at what God’s word says about fornication.
What does the Bible Say about Fornication? Words of Wisdom
1 Thessalonians 4:5
3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.13 You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” [b] 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.[c]
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
Don’t Put Yourself in Temptation’s Way
(a warning against adultery which can also be applied to fornication)
Proverbs 6:27
“Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.”
Be Pure and Be Used as a Vessel of Honor.
2 Timothy 2:20-21
20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. 21 Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, [a]sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.
My husband made me see the above scripture as symbolic of remaining pure through abstinence. So, I will use his explanation: Sex/virginity could be looked at as gold and silver, precious metals only to be used during special occasions and for honorable use (for your spouse and during marriage). Your life will be clean, you will not desecrate or dishonor yourself (your value, body, and reputation), and if you save yourself, you will be ready for your Master (God, Christ) to use you for good work (a good marriage, a good spouse). Do not be misled; Neither virginity nor sexual purity will equate to a good marriage. But you are embracing a mindset of preservation of your body, which helps to equip you in many other ways for God to use you and bless you.
A Short Message for The Men
Men don’t give in to what society makes you think a man is—one who gives into his sexual desires. One of the beautiful aspects of marriage is that God has designed it for sexual satiation, balancing those hormones, for the most part. But this doesn’t mean sexual discipline starts and ends in marriage! How, then, will you be able to remain disciplined in marriage if you never practiced it in your singlehood?
Encouragement
Suppose you are reading this and have given into your fleshly desires at some point or even currently. Remember! God is our redeemer; repent and recommit this area of your life to him. I have heard of or even seen people feel they should marry the person they gave themselves to. Just in case you didn’t know! Don’t allow yourself to marry the wrong person. Sex serves as a glue (designed for marriage), attaching us to individuals that may not have been created for us. Pray about it and evaluate whether this is the case for you.
A message to Woman. God is your father
Exodus 22:16
16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. 17 If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins.
The above scripture gives us historical insight into how, during biblical times, if a man slept with a maiden, her father could still refuse marriage. The father’s disapproval showed that careful discretion and analysis went into choosing a spouse. That, despite two people having sex, it did not mean they had to get married. This father is not solely thinking about his daughter’s reputation or what people may think, he is thinking (more importantly) of her future, and wants her to marry the most suitable prospect. Thank God for fathers.
Our culture looks much different in modern times. We are likely not relying on family members or fathers to vet spouses for us; we are making the decision ourselves, which takes an added level of discernment. Please don’t cloud an already tough decision with sex. Some of us have earthly fathers; some don’t. Ultimately, let God be your father and follow his word. Keep his commandments; if you slip and fall, go to him for discernment and redemption.
A Message to Both Men and Women
You don’t have to continue having relations with the person, which can lead to impregnation and disease; and if you do have a child, the same principle applies! Nor, do you have to continue in a lifestyle of premarital sex and fornication. You can assess whether the person you are with is your reciprocal, if the relationship is God-Ordained, and if you should even be getting married to them. Choose discipline through intentional singleness or through intentional dating in order to meet the one! Sometimes, one can feel like I gave my body to this person, so I must see the relationship through. Not so! Please don’t wreck your life. Lastly, practice abstinence even when you find that person, which God has created you for.
Closing Remarks
This message may not be for you. Maybe you are so filled with the Holy Ghost that you aren’t thinking about sex…. But you may in the future, and let this be a seed planted for that time as a word of encouragement to continue in the same way you have Been. Allow the Lord to sustain you and preserve your virtue. For in due time, you will reap a harvest, a reward.
Be around like-minded individuals, fellowship, and find accountability partners to strengthen you and give you a sense of community that you are not in it alone. Pray for this community if you don’t already have it or try to step out of your comfort zone and get involved or in relation with the people in your local church. Remember, the Bible says to confess your sins one to another. Being in a community can help with this accountability.I want to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ who are abstaining because I know it’s hard out here. Whether you are single with no prospects in sight or within arm’s length of your future spouse, let me know which you think is more challenging, either through experience or just by thought. Being single and abstaining? Or being in an active relationship and abstaining? I’m curious. What has your experience been?
I pray you were blessed by reading.