Encouraging Archives - Virtuous Renaissance Woman Blog

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Hello Lovelies,

DISCLAIMER: I know the title of this post reads “Encouragement for the Good Girl/Good Guy” but really none of us are good. For the Bible says in Romans 3:23-24

for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴being justified ^[g]freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,

This post is a Word of Encouragement for the young and mature men or women who have been walking with God. I want to uplift, remind, and encourage you to continue the race! Often, the sermons we hear in the church are specifically catered to the lost, to reel them in to listen to the gospel, to become future disciples, and as a call to salvation. The primary calling of followers of Christ is that we all have a personal duty to help plant seeds in others by sharing the word through evangelism.

That call of duty is most necessary; however, sometimes we need to encourage the ones fighting the good fight. Have you grown up in the church? Or have you been walking with God for years? There have been times in the past and in my single season when I wondered when I would hear something that applied to my life on the pulpit. I want to be that for you today as you read.

What about the ones who have been walking with God for years, the ones who have grown up in the church and feel like they need to experience life before they become an old maid, the ones who have been questioning why they must wait or are just tired of waiting because it’s taking so long?

Personal Testimony

I’ve been there before. Once upon a time, I thought that when I reached a certain age, if I were not dating or had never dated, I would go out on a limb and put myself out there “for the experience.” I did not know that was a seed from the enemy to get me off track from the standards I had grown up knowing and following. Please remember if this is you: You DO NOT need experience for a successful marriage or relationship. You need God at the center of your life so that you can discern his voice and discern if a potential prospect is your spouse; don’t allow this lie to permeate.

There was a time right before my husband came into my life when I felt heavy with desire and readiness for marriage. I had always been marriage-minded from a young age, but that specific year, my desire/readiness felt supernatural. I remember telling one of my good friends that I was ready to love and be loved. That coming out of my mouth was surprising, even to me, because, in the past, I shied away from relationships or love interests due to fear of being with the wrong person.

Hindsight is 20/20

The future me now understands that God implanted that desire because he was unveiling me to my husband soon and I needed to be ready. You see, these things are spiritual. Something was shifting in the atmosphere for me, and my blessing (my husband) was right around the corner. Some of you reading this also have a blessing right around the corner. Don’t mess it up by adding the baggage of engaging in a sexually immoral relationship or a “situation-ship.” Remain pure in mind, body, and spirit for the person God wants to place in your life.

Healthy Desire is From God. Maximize your singleness.

Use this readiness and heightened desire God has placed on your heart to allow for the preparation through wisdom, counsel, and life to be a virtuous wife or a shepherd husband. Watch videos geared towards being a husband or being a wife. Get around others who are married and ask questions. Look into negative relationship patterns within your family and pray against those things. Go to therapy if you need some inner work. Use your time efficiently and maximize your single season. You see, both marriage and singleness are a blessing. And both can be equally hard. But do not succumb to the lie that you need to garner “experience.”

I am so thankful that God pulled me by my shirt in that season. The lie that I almost gave into could have ruined me and undid what I had been meditating on for my whole life. How many of you are contemplating giving in? How many of you are getting tired? Keep this scripture in mind.

Galatians 6:9

9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

That means if you are saving yourself for marriage, finish the race! At the proper time, God will bless you with a godly husband or wife. Don’t let society lie to you, and don’t let others ridicule you. We are all human, and we have hormones. Find healthy outlets for those hormones and feelings. God put them there, but they are not to be expressed until marriage. Let’s take a look at what God’s word says about fornication.

What does the Bible Say about Fornication? Words of Wisdom

1 Thessalonians 4:5

3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own body[a] in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;

1 Corinthians 6:12-20

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.13 You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” [b] 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit.[c]

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Don’t Put Yourself in Temptation’s Way

(a warning against adultery which can also be applied to fornication)

Proverbs 6:27

“Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.”

Be Pure and Be Used as a Vessel of Honor.

2 Timothy 2:20-21

20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. 21 Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, [a]sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work.

My husband made me see the above scripture as symbolic of remaining pure through abstinence. So, I will use his explanation: Sex/virginity could be looked at as gold and silver, precious metals only to be used during special occasions and for honorable use (for your spouse and during marriage). Your life will be clean, you will not desecrate or dishonor yourself (your value, body, and reputation), and if you save yourself, you will be ready for your Master (God, Christ) to use you for good work (a good marriage, a good spouse). Do not be misled; Neither virginity nor sexual purity will equate to a good marriage. But you are embracing a mindset of preservation of your body, which helps to equip you in many other ways for God to use you and bless you.

A Short Message for The Men

Men don’t give in to what society makes you think a man is—one who gives into his sexual desires. One of the beautiful aspects of marriage is that God has designed it for sexual satiation, balancing those hormones, for the most part. But this doesn’t mean sexual discipline starts and ends in marriage! How, then, will you be able to remain disciplined in marriage if you never practiced it in your singlehood?

Encouragement

Suppose you are reading this and have given into your fleshly desires at some point or even currently. Remember! God is our redeemer; repent and recommit this area of your life to him. I have heard of or even seen people feel they should marry the person they gave themselves to. Just in case you didn’t know! Don’t allow yourself to marry the wrong person. Sex serves as a glue (designed for marriage), attaching us to individuals that may not have been created for us. Pray about it and evaluate whether this is the case for you.

A message to Woman. God is your father

Exodus 22:16

16 “If a man seduces a virgin who is not pledged to be married and sleeps with her, he must pay the bride-price, and she shall be his wife. 17 If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him, he must still pay the bride-price for virgins.

The above scripture gives us historical insight into how, during biblical times, if a man slept with a maiden, her father could still refuse marriage. The father’s disapproval showed that careful discretion and analysis went into choosing a spouse. That, despite two people having sex, it did not mean they had to get married. This father is not solely thinking about his daughter’s reputation or what people may think, he is thinking (more importantly) of her future, and wants her to marry the most suitable prospect. Thank God for fathers.

Our culture looks much different in modern times. We are likely not relying on family members or fathers to vet spouses for us; we are making the decision ourselves, which takes an added level of discernment. Please don’t cloud an already tough decision with sex. Some of us have earthly fathers; some don’t. Ultimately, let God be your father and follow his word. Keep his commandments; if you slip and fall, go to him for discernment and redemption.

A Message to Both Men and Women

You don’t have to continue having relations with the person, which can lead to impregnation and disease; and if you do have a child, the same principle applies! Nor, do you have to continue in a lifestyle of premarital sex and fornication. You can assess whether the person you are with is your reciprocal, if the relationship is God-Ordained, and if you should even be getting married to them. Choose discipline through intentional singleness or through intentional dating in order to meet the one! Sometimes, one can feel like I gave my body to this person, so I must see the relationship through. Not so! Please don’t wreck your life. Lastly, practice abstinence even when you find that person, which God has created you for.

Closing Remarks

This message may not be for you. Maybe you are so filled with the Holy Ghost that you aren’t thinking about sex…. But you may in the future, and let this be a seed planted for that time as a word of encouragement to continue in the same way you have Been. Allow the Lord to sustain you and preserve your virtue. For in due time, you will reap a harvest, a reward.

Be around like-minded individuals, fellowship, and find accountability partners to strengthen you and give you a sense of community that you are not in it alone. Pray for this community if you don’t already have it or try to step out of your comfort zone and get involved or in relation with the people in your local church. Remember, the Bible says to confess your sins one to another. Being in a community can help with this accountability.I want to encourage my brothers and sisters in Christ who are abstaining because I know it’s hard out here. Whether you are single with no prospects in sight or within arm’s length of your future spouse, let me know which you think is more challenging, either through experience or just by thought. Being single and abstaining? Or being in an active relationship and abstaining? I’m curious. What has your experience been?

I pray you were blessed by reading.

Developing Emotional Control biblically (blog post title image) — **Pin to save!**

Hello Lovely,

Have you ever found yourself in a season of being frequently triggered by everyone and everything? For example, it could be negative comments made by family members, friends, or colleagues, all within a short time. Or multiple interactions that have left you feeling uncomfortable. And even similar interactions with people have left you feeling drained energetically, working on the last nerve you had for the day. What about scrolling down your social media timeline only to feel anxious, unaccomplished, and purposeless? All of these examples could have one’s emotions spiraling.

BEING UNBOTHERED TO COMBAT OUR TRIGGERS

Typically when we find ourselves triggered, the root of it boils down to five primary emotions; fear, offense, envy, sadness, and irritation. A trigger is a stressor, which could lead to an adverse emotional reaction. I am sure you have heard the popular term being unbothered. A state of being in which a person is unaffected by things that would bother most. Wouldn’t it be lovely to go through life peacefully, knowing that no one could affect you emotionally? Is being unbothered even realistic? Is it biblical?

When we encounter terms in our world that become normalized, it is good to know God’s views on them, so we search for the answers in the Bible. The Bible says wisdom comes from the word of the Lord (Jeremiah 8:9) and that one should pursue it. Hearing the word of the Lord is the first step in acquiring wisdom; the second is aligning your heart to receive/understand this wisdom (Proverbs 2:1). To receive something in your heart means that you accept it as truth and you apply it to your life. True wisdom is APPLIED to one’s life. Let us be doers of the word and not just hearers only, as it says in (Jeremiah 1:22-25). Let us not just memorize scriptures but inscribe them on our hearts to use in times of need.

Emotional Control: The Biblical Answer

Ephesians 4:26 says Be angry but do not sin. Therein lies our biblical answer. God recognizes that we as humans have emotions and that they come naturally. He is not telling us to ignore these feelings; instead, he gives us something more powerful. Be angry, but DON’T SIN, and don’t let the sun go down on your wrath. There are two aspects of this command. First, allow yourself to feel how you feel, whether anger, hurt, irritation, etc., but do NOT sit in that emotion for too long. Sitting in one’s feelings for too long can cause an onslaught of things, including hardening of the heart, bitterness, resentment, rage, anxiety, depression, gossip, ruminating thoughts, and more. He is leading us on a path of EMOTIONAL CONTROL.

Adults must understand that WE are responsible for our triggers, whatever the root cause. Therefore, we should not walk into life thinking that others will change to accommodate us, but instead, learn to have emotional control. The only thing we can do is change our reactions/responses to various triggers. As a Christian, having emotional control is significant because we are to be a good testimony to unbelievers. We can’t do that by being emotionally unstable or numbing ourselves into a faux state of unbothered ness. We are to be examples to others through good conduct, which comes from true wisdom according to the word (James 3:13).

EMOTIONAL CONTROL CONCERNING FEMININITY

Now, how does developing emotional control apply to femininity? As women, we are wired emotionally. It is biological. What does this mean? It means that God created us with a complex reproductive system that goes through a monthly cycle that affects our hormone levels. I am sure you are familiar with the two reproductive hormones estrogen and progesterone, but you may need to become more familiar with their functions or the effect it has on the body. Women produce higher amounts of these two in comparison to men. Because men do not go through a monthly cycle, their hormone levels are stabilized, which means fewer, if any, mood swings. Women go through periods of the month where these specific hormones dip high and low. Estrogen increases the brain’s serotonin levels (a hormone associated with happiness), and progesterone has the opposite depressing effect. Below is an Infograph which shows visually the stability in the rise and fall of male hormones daily. In comparison to the drastic shifts in hormone levels for women on a monthly basis.

Infographic displaying a comparison of male and female monthly hormone levels. The graph shows a significant difference in hormone levels between genders, highlighting the challenges women may face in managing their emotions due to hormonal fluctuations throughout the month

With all this being said, as women, we must take our thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Whatever you are thinking, causing you to feel what you feel, align it with God. The Bible says, “the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down.” That’s how vital a role we play in our homes and society is. Our biology is not to be used as an excuse for poor control. So how do we use the Word of God to combat these emotions bound to rise within us?

Let’s study what the word has to say.

Emotional Control Tips: Bringing The Emotions Into Subjection

OFFENSE

When it comes to offense, we have all been there. Someone says something to offend us, and at first, shock turns into dismay, then rage or irritation, ending in bitterness. Offense can make us feel on guard like we have to fight back with our words, especially if there’s a clue that the person has offended us intentionally. It is essential to ask God to give us emotional intelligence. This emotional intelligence will help us understand that what people say often are projections of their insecurities and look at it from another perspective. On the other hand, we may get offended by hearing the truth; however gently it may have been delivered. The prior is something we must assess and reconcile within ourselves.

Have Emotional Intelligence

In dealing with people’s projections and insecurities, we must remember to harvest the fruit of the spirit; patience (Galatians 5:23).

The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, skillful in teaching, patient when wronged (2 Timothy 2:24).

1 Peter 3:9. ‘Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.

He does not want us to insult a person to get even. This is a part of having emotional intelligence.

When people say offensive things out of hate and to embarrass, we also have to get comfortable with God being our defender and protector. The sooner we understand this, the less emotional we get when we feel offended because we know he is a just God, and if we need vindication, he will vindicate us.

Psalm 23:5

He prepares a table for us in the presence of our enemies.

Romans 12:19

Vengeance is mine, says the Lord.

Matthew 5:44

But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Though these scriptures may seem extreme because they give us a picture of warfare, battlegrounds, and enemies, we must understand that offense can cause us to view people as our enemies; if indeed they are, then have no worries because God has your back.

Offense can sometimes come from people telling us a truth we cannot handle, magnifying our insecurities. Meditate on this verse as a prayer so that God can reveal to you whether or not there are some things you can improve.

Psalm 139:23-24

²³Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

²⁴And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

But how do we respond to those we are offended by, whether the offense was intentional or unintentional?

Say less

James 1:19

The Bible tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to wrath. Put this into practice whenever you feel like lashing out against someone who has offended you. Do not allow others to control your emotions and get you riled up.

Proverbs 18:2

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

Bring it up

The Lord does not want us to cower in fear; on the contrary, he wants us to develop the communication skills necessary to address our issues with others in a non-confrontational and personal way.

Matthew 18:25

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.

Delivery

So how do you tell the person the fault you have with them? Below is a scripture that gives us insight into our delivery when addressing others.

Your speech must always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so you know how to respond to each person. (Colossians 4:6)

Forgive

When we have patience with people plus emotional intelligence, it allows us to understand they may have their own issues and that even if they intentionally try to offend us, God has our back; the last thing to do is forgive and move on.

Colossians 3:12–13

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Ephesians 4:2-3

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.

ENVY/COMPARISON

In the age of social media, there is a constant update on the lives of others. Social media can be a source of inspiration and encouragement but also the source of many evils, including comparison, which can lead to anxiety, jealousy, and envy. If you are in a constant cycle of envy and comparison due to social media, you may need to detox from it fast or eliminate your accounts.

Matthew 5:30

And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is. Better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.

We know covetousness is a sin (Exodus 20:17), and envy is the root. Therefore, do not be attached to anything causing you to sin. Everyone has different weaknesses, and if social media fuels competition in you or envy, it may be best to limit or eliminate your usage.

Envy and comparison can persist outside of social media. We must remember that we should be grateful for God’s blessings. There’s always someone with less.

Meditate on these scriptures:

1 Timothy 6:6

Godliness with contentment produces great gain

The key to keeping comparison and envy in check is to be grateful and content with what God has blessed you and celebrate with others. Another God-given key is to busy yourself with your affairs; that way, you can be proud of your accomplishments. In doing so, you know you have worked hard towards fulfilling your purpose.

Galatians 6:4

But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.

This combination of wisdom given to us will leave no room for envy.

Remember to be GRATEFUL FOR YOUR BLESSINGS, BE CONTENT, BUSY YOURSELF, and CELEBRATE OTHERS

FEAR

Fear is a common emotion that can lead to many complex ones like worry, ruminating thoughts, anxiety, and health issues. However, just because it is common does not mean it is from God.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and of a sound mind.

Remember to take your fearful thoughts captive in obedience to Christ. Developing emotional control is imperative because our thoughts result from our emotions. And if the Bible tells us that he has not put in us a spirit of fear, you must rebuke it! The spirit of power, love, and a sound mind should be what combats this spirit of fear. Try to understand and identify your concerns and bring them to the Lord in prayer.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Whenever you get that tinge of fear, the first point of action should be to bow your head in prayer.

HURT/GRIEF

Jesus wept (John 11:35), which is said to be the shortest verse in the Bible. At this moment, he was grieving the death of his friend Lazarus just before he resurrected him. So, we see that even Jesus felt pain, grief, and hurt while on this earth.

There are many scriptures where God reassures us of his proximity to us in times of pain. Whether that be heartbreak, the death of a loved one, or feelings of loneliness, his main encouragement is that he understands and is near us, even when we feel alone. Understanding the gospel and how these feelings of pain are temporary compared to the eternal life to be lived by God’s believers and followers should be something to look forward to; the light at the end of a tunnel in moments and seasons of hurt.

Please meditate on these words:

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit

Psalms 73:26

My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

There is a time for everything and, and a season for every activity under the heavens.

Ecclesiastes 3:4

A time to weep and a time to laugh

Revelation 21:4

There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

IRRITATION

Irritation is an interesting emotion because it can come from anywhere. The source could be for no good reason besides you getting up on the wrong side of the bed. Or it could be from those biological mood swings we discussed earlier. Lastly, it could be as deep as having a lack of patience or being victimized by another based on prior interactions—either way, the Lord wants to deal with our irritation. The irritation causes us to show disdain for people and a lack of patience, caused by stress or a byproduct of anger.

Remember these scriptures when you feel yourself in this emotional space:

James 1:19

You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger;

Galatians 5:22

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

There is much more to unpack and scripture to aid us in developing emotional control. This study of the word taught me how much wisdom is available if we are willing to pursue it. God deems nothing too small to be focused on, including our emotions. Nor does he leave us ill-equipped for self-development.

Remember, ladies, we are emotional beings but must have emotional control. Our well-being depends on it.

I hope this blesses you in reading as much as it blessed me in writing. God bless you.

P.S. Check out the previous blog post on Creating a Soft Life. I hope you enjoy it!