Celebrating Two Years as a Full-Time Homemaker
Hello Lovelies,
I am unsure how to start this, but I wanted to say that my second anniversary of being a full-time homemaker just passed in December, and I thought I should make a reflection post to commemorate it.
Here is a Journal entry I wrote after my first year; this may help progress the conversation.
🏡 Mental Health Check-In
How do I feel?
At peace. Truly. While I’m still fine-tuning my daily schedule, I wouldn’t trade this season for anything. I love prioritizing my home—beautifying it, preparing fresh meals, baking homemade bread, and tending to my husband on a flexible timeline. All while pursuing passion projects without feeling burnt out.
A few years ago, I never envisioned myself here. So, let me answer the question I once had for myself and for those curious enough to read.
✨ Why a Housewife and How?
As a Christian, sometimes you expect to hear an audible voice from God when you make a life-changing decision or when someone asks about how you made the decision, but I did not. Everyone hears from God differently, but this fact did not make this season in my life any less supernatural. What made it supernatural was that I had no visible exposure to this role or lifestyle, nor had I had any thoughts or opinions about it before becoming one. Honestly, my exposure was my grandmother sharing conversationally about her being a stay-at-home wife in the first half of her marriage. Still, when I (her first-born grandchild) came along, she was involved in various creative projects and became a full-fledged career woman. So, I never got to experience seeing her as a full-time homemaker. And even then, I didn’t have much opinion about the matter.
Two Things That Led Me Here:
- Work Stress Wasn’t Worth The Pay Granted; this was a job I had prayed for because I was so desperate. My desperation led me not to ask pertinent interview questions that would give me a full scope of my daily tasks and travel. Desperation also led me to accept the job without my husband’s wisdom in asking those questions. He reminded me of this later. And this wasn’t even my worst position. It was a learning curve for me, and I was wearing a hard hat weekly(so the opposite of my girly self). I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I had to leave before management knew I was totally lost. LOL. 😂
- Lack of Purpose. I did not feel like I was saving the world. That’s the problem with having a job and maybe not a career. It just didn’t seem purposeful to me. I felt like I was rotting away in my cubicle.
🍂 Thanksgiving Breakdown — The Last Straw
My husband saw my distress when I broke down before hosting Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t have the day before off to prepare. After deep discussions and strategizing, we asked, Why not?
This led me to realize #3: I had tried multiple work environments and hated them all.
📌 Work/Education Experience Rundown:
- I have a premed degree in human biology.
- I worked at a hospital clinic alongside medical professionals. It was toxic.
- I worked as a behavioral health technician.
- I worked in a biopharmaceutical lab.
- I worked a super corporate job.
God led me to leave the workforce without revealing the whole plan. But clarity came after I stepped away.
🌸 The Big Realization
It seems to me—and to some others (as I don’t think I’m alone in this)—that women are not built to handle the same levels of stress as men, particularly the stress that comes with the corporate workforce. Now, please understand me: women are capable of doing most of what men do work-wise, but in my opinion, we tend to get slightly more flustered. There are even studies showing that working women experience increased cortisol levels due to stress, which can sometimes lead to autoimmune issues.
When I looked back at the Bible, specifically Titus 2, I saw that God instructs older women to teach younger women to be keepers of the home. This led me to tap into what I believe to be my primary role as a married woman—keeping my home.
Titus 2:3-5 3
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.
I came to this realization by observing my own joy, peace, and stress levels after leaving the workforce. Over time, I felt lighter, happier, and more at peace. God also led me to discover content creators who were living this lifestyle, ironically, after I made my decision. As a Black woman, exposure to homemaking as a legitimate lifestyle was nearly nonexistent. But my husband reassured me that we could make it work, and financially, it made more sense than him having to hear about my stress 😆
Here are some homemaker content creators I love:
📅 What Do I Do All Day?
(I may do another post on this)
✔️ I soak in peace. ✔️ I stay grateful to God and my husband. ✔️ I no longer feel the need to prove my productivity to my husband. ✔️ I embrace my role without guilt.
I wake up each day with a spirit of gratitude. When I started this journey, I felt like I needed to report back to my husband with a list of everything I had done during the day, but he reassured me that he didn’t need an itinerary. I guess I felt guilty being home while he was out working. I hadn’t entirely accepted my role yet, so there were some insecurities—insecurities I no longer struggle with.
As I mentioned earlier, I am a homemaker, which means my days are filled with home-based activities and ensuring that our household runs smoothly. Ensuring we have nutritious meals, a tidy home, and an overall sense of order every day is just the beginning! Surprisingly, I seem to stay even more busy and productive than I did while working.
I no longer feel bashful saying this, but I also have the privilege of resting intuitively throughout the day—something I’ve come to appreciate. And that is a privilege I am not guilty about, nor will I apologize for.
💬 How Do I Identify Myself?
How do I refer to myself when people ask?
This took some time because even something as simple as going to the nail salon on a random Tuesday morning would lead to questions. People would ask, “Oh, did you take off work to come?” and I’d freeze like a deer in the headlights. I always want to respond with emotional intelligence and not make people uncomfortable, but I take a moment to gather myself. Ultimately, I like to identify with my role as it is shown to me biblically—I am a homemaker, a keeper of my home. If someone isn’t familiar with that term, I clarify by saying I’m a stay-at-home wife.
Some family members have given me blank stares when I told them, but I just shrug it off. Others have asked—or at least wondered—if my husband and I are trying for a baby. I’ve noticed that either they don’t know how to react or they’ve never considered this lifestyle before, leaving them unsure of what to say.
Surprisingly, I haven’t received any negative responses at all. I get the sense that most women don’t actually want to clock in at work. I could be wrong, but that’s just how it seems. There also seems to be more acceptance of this reality compared to five or ten years ago. I’ve noticed on social media that more women are tired of pretending they want to be major career women.
Because of the negative connotations surrounding housewives, I try to frame my role as actively taking care of my home—not as me sitting around eating bonbons all day!
The Working Woman: A New Concept?
Some people may be confused by the idea of a woman staying home unless she has children. But one realization I had after stepping into this role is that married women working full-time is actually a relatively new concept—only about 75 years old. Before the 1950s and World War II, women—especially married women—were not typically expected to work for income. Instead, they remained in their parents’ household helping out until marriage, at which point they transitioned into their husband’s household, where their primary role was to care for the home.
As we understand from a biblical perspective, we are living in the last days. As society progresses, we seem to move further away from God’s original plan. History has shown that for centuries, women weren’t expected to work in the way they are now. So should we as believers reevaluate?
Of course, this conversation is more nuanced than it may seem. There are many factors to consider, as well as important questions to ask.
🔹 Key Questions:
- Does the modern woman want more and need more, leading to our reliance on a second income?
- Or is inflation simply making it harder for families to survive on one income?
- Were women in the past more resourceful, spending according to their husband’s income and saving more money?
- Are young men being educated on being primary providers and increasing their earning capacity, so as to not have modern ideologies and expectations for their spouses to work?
- Do we need to work, or do we want to work to afford more material things?
And finally,
- Are we willing and able to live on one income as married women—or as women preparing for marriage—in exchange for greater peace, less stress, and more autonomy at home?
🎓 Education & Homemaking
Education? What’s the point of getting a degree or going to trade school if you’re going to be a homemaker?
Personally, I had no clue I was going to be a homemaker, as I mentioned before. So, should a single woman wait to be married if she already has the desire to be a homemaker? Should she spend years waiting for a husband before making a living? Let’s not be willfully obtuse—of course not! The ability to support yourself is essential in today’s world. And more importantly, we should seek to use the gifts the Lord has given us!
As a married woman, I believe that when you’re single, you should maximize—or seek to maximize—your singleness by investing in yourself. This could be through formal education, learning a trade, or simply keeping yourself busy in productive ways.
In the past, this was never really a question. Even in Victorian times, education for women wasn’t necessarily seen as a direct path to employment. Instead, it was often considered a luxury, but one that made a woman more desirable to the type of man she was interested in. In that sense, education was for personal enrichment rather than just for securing a job. Many cultures still hold this perspective today, particularly Middle Eastern cultures, from what I’ve observed.
For example, if you’re drawn to businessmen, then educating yourself in business makes sense. It may be something you’re already interested in, but it also aligns with the kind of man you envision yourself with, so you’re the reciprocal to him. In the long run, this benefits you by giving you exposure to and comfort in those spaces, making it easier to navigate that world.
✨ The Blessings of Homemaking
The benefits of being a homemaker and what it has allowed me to do?
It has allowed me to help my husband and be of greater service to him, both professionally and personally.
I have the freedom to pursue passions that align more with my God-given purpose.
It has provided me with the space to prioritize my mental health and take a much-needed break from the workforce.
It has also allowed me to prioritize my home in a way that I couldn’t before. When I was working, long days often left me too drained to fully enjoy homemaking. Now, I cook and bake for fun, and I genuinely enjoy providing my husband and myself with nutritious, well-thought-out meals—without rushing or dreading the process. I’m able to be more consistent, so we have more home-cooked meals than anything. Of course, we still order food whenever we want, but you get where I’m coming from.
I am also able to embrace slow living and a quiet life, free from the hustle and bustle of our fast-paced society. Of course, factors like geography and whether or not you have children play a role in this as well. But ultimately, this lifestyle allows me to feel more in tune with my most feminine self and to be in a better mood overall.
❤️ Advice for Married Women Wanting to be Homemakers
🔹 Pray about it. 🔹 Talk with your husband. 🔹 Seek God for wisdom, strategy, and humility in this transition.
I understand that not everyone will desire what I desire, or perhaps they are not in this season yet. Maybe you’re reading this and want to become a full-time homemaker, but you know there are sacrifices to be made.
Be prayerful in all things, including this. Have an open conversation with your husband about your desires. Pray that the Lord softens his heart toward your feelings, that He provides you with a clear blueprint on how to get started, and that if and when you enter this season, your heart remains in a place of humility and gratitude.
💡 Advice for Single Women
Are you a single woman desiring marriage and reading this? I believe God works with each of us differently. I never envisioned this lifestyle for myself, yet God, in His omniscience, blessed me with it. He knew that eventually, I would come to this point, so He placed it in my husband’s heart to be receptive to this path and more than happy to support me. I didn’t have the exposure to this lifestyle beforehand, but you can use my journey as the exposure you need when approaching intentional dating and starting these conversations.
As I mentioned before, sometimes God gives without us even asking because He knows our hearts and our futures. For others, He provides people who serve as the exposure needed to spark conversations that help them clarify their desires and pursue them with intention.
So, if you are a single woman desiring to be a homemaker in the future, approach your interactions with potential suitors with clarity and honesty. Express your true desires or, at the very least, ask them whether this is something they are open to. This will allow you to vet them based on what you truly want for your life.
📖 Scripture & Future Plans
Although my mindset has shifted, and as a married woman, I want my home to be my priority, being a homemaker does not take away from my desire to use my God-given gifts or to be enterprising—just like the Proverbs 31 woman. She was a woman of wisdom who used her intellect to purchase land and plant a vineyard, bringing economic gain to her household alongside her husband.
Proverbs 31:16
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
I can transparently say that I am in a season where God has finally revealed my gifts and what I am meant to be doing. I am moving forward patiently, embracing new ventures without sacrificing my peace. At this point in my life, I have no desire to return to corporate work—at least not full-time.
Be on the lookout for my next blog post (Part 2), where I share my husband’s and my experience of being nearly five years into marriage and still child-free. I’ll discuss the reasons behind our decision and common misconceptions and judgments about family planning—especially as a full-time homemaker.
💌 Want to Learn More?
If you have any questions or topics you’d like me to discuss further regarding homemaking, feel free to comment or email me (virtuousrenaissancewomanandco@gmail.com) if you’d prefer to remain anonymous. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have—I’m only two years in and still have so much to learn. God bless! 💖
