Femininity

Stay-at-Home Wife….No Kids Yet (Part 1)

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Celebrating Two Years as a Full-Time Homemaker

Hello Lovelies,

I am unsure how to start this, but I wanted to say that my second anniversary of being a full-time homemaker just passed in December, and I thought I should make a reflection post to commemorate it.

Here is a Journal entry I wrote after my first year; this may help progress the conversation.

A digital journal entry dated March 2, 2024, written in an elegant, decorative font. The background features soft pastel colors with illustrations of butterflies and flowers. The writer reflects on their transition into being a housewife, expressing gratitude for their husband and faith in God. They discuss their past work-related stress, the decision to leave the workforce, and their journey of self-education and personal growth. The entry conveys a sense of peace, reflection, and inspiration, ending with a prayer for wisdom and discernment.

🏡 Mental Health Check-In

How do I feel?

 At peace. Truly. While I’m still fine-tuning my daily schedule, I wouldn’t trade this season for anything. I love prioritizing my home—beautifying it, preparing fresh meals, baking homemade bread, and tending to my husband on a flexible timeline. All while pursuing passion projects without feeling burnt out.

A few years ago, I never envisioned myself here. So, let me answer the question I once had for myself and for those curious enough to read.

✨ Why a Housewife and How?

As a Christian, sometimes you expect to hear an audible voice from God when you make a life-changing decision or when someone asks about how you made the decision, but I did not. Everyone hears from God differently, but this fact did not make this season in my life any less supernatural. What made it supernatural was that I had no visible exposure to this role or lifestyle,  nor had I had any thoughts or opinions about it before becoming one. Honestly, my exposure was my grandmother sharing conversationally about her being a stay-at-home wife in the first half of her marriage. Still, when I (her first-born grandchild) came along, she was involved in various creative projects and became a full-fledged career woman. So, I never got to experience seeing her as a full-time homemaker. And even then, I didn’t have much opinion about the matter. 

Two Things That Led Me Here:

A humorous meme showing a young girl in a graduation cap and gown looking disappointed while reaching for a handshake, but two adults are shaking hands instead. The image is labeled to represent the gap between college education and job market requirements: 'Subjects I studied in college' (girl), 'Job Requirements' (one adult), and 'MS Excel skills' (the other adult), implying that Excel proficiency is often more valued in job applications than formal academic subjects.
A humorous meme featuring a golden retriever sitting at a desk, wearing a red tie, and using a computer. The text overlay reads 'I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING,' emphasizing the dog's confused but enthusiastic expression. The image humorously represents feeling unqualified or out of depth in a professional or technical setting.
  1. Work Stress Wasn’t Worth The Pay Granted; this was a job I had prayed for because I was so desperate. My desperation led me not to ask pertinent interview questions that would give me a full scope of my daily tasks and travel. Desperation also led me to accept the job without my husband’s wisdom in asking those questions. He reminded me of this later. And this wasn’t even my worst position. It was a learning curve for me, and I was wearing a hard hat weekly(so the opposite of my girly self). I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I had to leave before management knew I was totally lost. LOL. 😂
  2. Lack of Purpose. I did not feel like I was saving the world. That’s the problem with having a job and maybe not a career. It just didn’t seem purposeful to me. I felt like I was rotting away in my cubicle. 

🍂 Thanksgiving Breakdown — The Last Straw

My husband saw my distress when I broke down before hosting Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t have the day before off to prepare. After deep discussions and strategizing, we asked, Why not?

This led me to realize #3: I had tried multiple work environments and hated them all.

📌 Work/Education Experience Rundown:

  • I have a premed degree in human biology.
  • I worked at a hospital clinic alongside medical professionals. It was toxic.
  • I worked as a behavioral health technician.
  • I worked in a biopharmaceutical lab.
  • I worked a super corporate job.

God led me to leave the workforce without revealing the whole plan. But clarity came after I stepped away.

🌸 The Big Realization

It seems to me—and to some others (as I don’t think I’m alone in this)—that women are not built to handle the same levels of stress as men, particularly the stress that comes with the corporate workforce. Now, please understand me: women are capable of doing most of what men do work-wise, but in my opinion, we tend to get slightly more flustered. There are even studies showing that working women experience increased cortisol levels due to stress, which can sometimes lead to autoimmune issues.

When I looked back at the Bible, specifically Titus 2, I saw that God instructs older women to teach younger women to be keepers of the home. This led me to tap into what I believe to be my primary role as a married woman—keeping my home.

Titus 2:3-5 3
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

I came to this realization by observing my own joy, peace, and stress levels after leaving the workforce. Over time, I felt lighter, happier, and more at peace. God also led me to discover content creators who were living this lifestyle, ironically, after I made my decision. As a Black woman, exposure to homemaking as a legitimate lifestyle was nearly nonexistent. But my husband reassured me that we could make it work, and financially, it made more sense than him having to hear about my stress 😆

Here are some homemaker content creators I love:

📍 Habits of a Homemaker


📍 Bindi Marc

📍 Home With Kelli


📍 Off the Beaten Path

📅 What Do I Do All Day?

(I may do another post on this)

✔️ I soak in peace. ✔️ I stay grateful to God and my husband. ✔️ I no longer feel the need to prove my productivity to my husband. ✔️ I embrace my role without guilt.

I wake up each day with a spirit of gratitude. When I started this journey, I felt like I needed to report back to my husband with a list of everything I had done during the day, but he reassured me that he didn’t need an itinerary. I guess I felt guilty being home while he was out working. I hadn’t entirely accepted my role yet, so there were some insecurities—insecurities I no longer struggle with.

As I mentioned earlier, I am a homemaker, which means my days are filled with home-based activities and ensuring that our household runs smoothly. Ensuring we have nutritious meals, a tidy home, and an overall sense of order every day is just the beginning! Surprisingly, I seem to stay even more busy and productive than I did while working.

I no longer feel bashful saying this, but I also have the privilege of resting intuitively throughout the day—something I’ve come to appreciate. And that is a privilege I am not guilty about, nor will I apologize for.

💬 How Do I Identify Myself?

How do I refer to myself when people ask? 

This took some time because even something as simple as going to the nail salon on a random Tuesday morning would lead to questions. People would ask, “Oh, did you take off work to come?” and I’d freeze like a deer in the headlights. I always want to respond with emotional intelligence and not make people uncomfortable, but I take a moment to gather myself. Ultimately, I like to identify with my role as it is shown to me biblically—I am a homemaker, a keeper of my home. If someone isn’t familiar with that term, I clarify by saying I’m a stay-at-home wife.

Some family members have given me blank stares when I told them, but I just shrug it off. Others have asked—or at least wondered—if my husband and I are trying for a baby. I’ve noticed that either they don’t know how to react or they’ve never considered this lifestyle before, leaving them unsure of what to say.

Surprisingly, I haven’t received any negative responses at all. I get the sense that most women don’t actually want to clock in at work. I could be wrong, but that’s just how it seems. There also seems to be more acceptance of this reality compared to five or ten years ago. I’ve noticed on social media that more women are tired of pretending they want to be major career women.

Because of the negative connotations surrounding housewives, I try to frame my role as actively taking care of my home—not as me sitting around eating bonbons all day!

The Working Woman: A New Concept?

Some people may be confused by the idea of a woman staying home unless she has children. But one realization I had after stepping into this role is that married women working full-time is actually a relatively new concept—only about 75 years old. Before the 1950s and World War II, women—especially married women—were not typically expected to work for income. Instead, they remained in their parents’ household helping out until marriage, at which point they transitioned into their husband’s household, where their primary role was to care for the home.

As we understand from a biblical perspective, we are living in the last days. As society progresses, we seem to move further away from God’s original plan. History has shown that for centuries, women weren’t expected to work in the way they are now. So should we as believers reevaluate?

Of course, this conversation is more nuanced than it may seem. There are many factors to consider, as well as important questions to ask.

🔹 Key Questions:

  • Does the modern woman want more and need more, leading to our reliance on a second income?
  • Or is inflation simply making it harder for families to survive on one income?
  • Were women in the past more resourceful, spending according to their husband’s income and saving more money?
  • Are young men being educated on being primary providers and increasing their earning capacity, so as to not have modern ideologies and expectations for their spouses to work?
  • Do we need to work, or do we want to work to afford more material things?

And finally,

  • Are we willing and able to live on one income as married women—or as women preparing for marriage—in exchange for greater peace, less stress, and more autonomy at home?

🎓 Education & Homemaking

Education? What’s the point of getting a degree or going to trade school if you’re going to be a homemaker? 

Personally, I had no clue I was going to be a homemaker, as I mentioned before. So, should a single woman wait to be married if she already has the desire to be a homemaker? Should she spend years waiting for a husband before making a living? Let’s not be willfully obtuse—of course not! The ability to support yourself is essential in today’s world. And more importantly, we should seek to use the gifts the Lord has given us!

As a married woman, I believe that when you’re single, you should maximize—or seek to maximize—your singleness by investing in yourself. This could be through formal education, learning a trade, or simply keeping yourself busy in productive ways.

In the past, this was never really a question. Even in Victorian times, education for women wasn’t necessarily seen as a direct path to employment. Instead, it was often considered a luxury, but one that made a woman more desirable to the type of man she was interested in. In that sense, education was for personal enrichment rather than just for securing a job. Many cultures still hold this perspective today, particularly Middle Eastern cultures, from what I’ve observed.

For example, if you’re drawn to businessmen, then educating yourself in business makes sense. It may be something you’re already interested in, but it also aligns with the kind of man you envision yourself with, so you’re the reciprocal to him. In the long run, this benefits you by giving you exposure to and comfort in those spaces, making it easier to navigate that world.

✨ The Blessings of Homemaking

The benefits of being a homemaker and what it has allowed me to do? 

It has allowed me to help my husband and be of greater service to him, both professionally and personally.

I have the freedom to pursue passions that align more with my God-given purpose.

It has provided me with the space to prioritize my mental health and take a much-needed break from the workforce.

It has also allowed me to prioritize my home in a way that I couldn’t before. When I was working, long days often left me too drained to fully enjoy homemaking. Now, I cook and bake for fun, and I genuinely enjoy providing my husband and myself with nutritious, well-thought-out meals—without rushing or dreading the process. I’m able to be more consistent, so we have more home-cooked meals than anything. Of course, we still order food whenever we want, but you get where I’m coming from.

I am also able to embrace slow living and a quiet life, free from the hustle and bustle of our fast-paced society. Of course, factors like geography and whether or not you have children play a role in this as well. But ultimately, this lifestyle allows me to feel more in tune with my most feminine self and to be in a better mood overall.

❤️ Advice for Married Women Wanting to be Homemakers

🔹 Pray about it. 🔹 Talk with your husband. 🔹 Seek God for wisdom, strategy, and humility in this transition.

I understand that not everyone will desire what I desire, or perhaps they are not in this season yet. Maybe you’re reading this and want to become a full-time homemaker, but you know there are sacrifices to be made.

Be prayerful in all things, including this. Have an open conversation with your husband about your desires. Pray that the Lord softens his heart toward your feelings, that He provides you with a clear blueprint on how to get started, and that if and when you enter this season, your heart remains in a place of humility and gratitude.

💡 Advice for Single Women

Are you a single woman desiring marriage and reading this? I believe God works with each of us differently. I never envisioned this lifestyle for myself, yet God, in His omniscience, blessed me with it. He knew that eventually, I would come to this point, so He placed it in my husband’s heart to be receptive to this path and more than happy to support me. I didn’t have the exposure to this lifestyle beforehand, but you can use my journey as the exposure you need when approaching intentional dating and starting these conversations.

As I mentioned before, sometimes God gives without us even asking because He knows our hearts and our futures. For others, He provides people who serve as the exposure needed to spark conversations that help them clarify their desires and pursue them with intention.

So, if you are a single woman desiring to be a homemaker in the future, approach your interactions with potential suitors with clarity and honesty. Express your true desires or, at the very least, ask them whether this is something they are open to. This will allow you to vet them based on what you truly want for your life.

📖 Scripture & Future Plans

Although my mindset has shifted, and as a married woman, I want my home to be my priority, being a homemaker does not take away from my desire to use my God-given gifts or to be enterprising—just like the Proverbs 31 woman. She was a woman of wisdom who used her intellect to purchase land and plant a vineyard, bringing economic gain to her household alongside her husband.

Proverbs 31:16
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

I can transparently say that I am in a season where God has finally revealed my gifts and what I am meant to be doing. I am moving forward patiently, embracing new ventures without sacrificing my peace. At this point in my life, I have no desire to return to corporate work—at least not full-time.

Be on the lookout for my next blog post (Part 2), where I share my husband’s and my experience of being nearly five years into marriage and still child-free. I’ll discuss the reasons behind our decision and common misconceptions and judgments about family planning—especially as a full-time homemaker.

💌 Want to Learn More?

If you have any questions or topics you’d like me to discuss further regarding homemaking, feel free to comment or email me (virtuousrenaissancewomanandco@gmail.com) if you’d prefer to remain anonymous. I’d be happy to answer any questions you have—I’m only two years in and still have so much to learn. God bless! 💖

Creating A Soft Life

An Intro

Feminine Lifestyle & Aesthetic

Hello Lovely,

Do you want to create a soft life? Are you already living a soft life? Do you know what having a soft life means?

If you are active on social media, you know women are trying to move into a new trend or era. This new trend that is being explored is something called “The Soft Girl Aesthetic.” If you have no clue, don’t feel left out. I am about to break it down. 

It’s always interesting to see how society progresses into different ages with each passing decade. I see a new shift in femininity, and I love it. As a black woman, I will have to frame my observation of this shift through the lens of my cultural exposure and experience. 

The Miss Independent and Boss Babe

For the past decade, it seems the “Miss Independent” character of a woman was what was glorified; thanks, Ne-Yo. This woman could do any and everything with or without a man. She took charge of her career, relationships, and personal life. She had her own stuff, did her own thing, and wanted you but did not need you. Over the past few years, this has transitioned into the “Boss Babe” aesthetic with the rise of entrepreneurs and the rise of social media influencers, and the increasing level of high-earning, well-educated women. Everyone now wants to be a boss.

But what implications does the Miss Independent or the Boss Babe lifestyle/mindset have on a woman’s psyche? Have we seen an influx of hyper-masculine women since, such that society has not seen before? Is this due to women putting on or having to put on roles that overshadow their identities or dilute their femininity? As a society of women, are we suffering from burnout so that we can fit into the Boss Babe aesthetic? This is a loaded topic that I am afraid one blog post won’t do enough justice to unpack. 

Within the past two years, there seems to be an increase in femininity content. I am glad to contribute to or add to this increase, as I feel this has been lacking for a long time. You can search on Youtube and Pinterest and find hundreds and thousands of content creators sharing hygiene routines, feminine dating advice, etiquette, ways to dress, etc. It looks like we are tapping back into the source or attributes of traditional womanhood.

The End of an Era ~ Enter The Soft Girl

And now we have the “Soft Girl Era.” There may be many interpretations or definitions of what it means to be a soft girl or have a soft life, but I will give you mine. A “soft life” means curating a life that allows a woman to rest in her femininity. Resting in your femininity means embodying the traditional characteristics of a woman, the opposite of what hard is. It means avoiding burnout to remain delicate spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. A soft girl does not overexert herself, but this does not mean she is lazy. It means she plans and prepares for things in advance. She budgets for outsourcing specific tasks and is unafraid to ask for help. It also means she takes time out of her schedule for self-care.

What it means to have a “Soft Life” and how the “Soft Girl Era” promotes rest and femininity.

You don’t have to give into burnout culture. One can have boundaries for peace of mind, be as delicate as a flower in nature and speech, and dress femininely. As an aspiring “Soft-Girl,” you can outsource specific tasks outside your capacity. You can allow time in the day for leisure, meditation, and rest. You do not have to be a workhouse all of the time. Life will never be stress-free, but we can get a handle on what we can control.

I’m not sure if this gives you a good enough vision of what this life looks like. Maybe you have only had the opposite examples in your life or childhood, so this idea seems a bit foreign and odd. Step outside of your environment and tap into how you want your life to operate or what you want it to look like. Sometimes we have to become the prototype we are looking to others for. I firmly believe in not having to be wealthy to curate the life you want, so feel free to budget and plan for things you choose to prioritize. Work smart, not hard.

Before the meat of it all, I would like to put out a disclaimer. Creating a “Soft Life” does not mean life suddenly becomes stress-free. It just means looking for ways to decrease our load so that we, as women, are not tapping into the most frazzled versions of ourselves but tapping into our God-given ability to be emotionally present for ourselves and others. To be kind, gentle, pleasant, and well-maintained. 

The Soft Life

With all that being said, let’s get into these examples of how to “Create a Soft Life” as a woman.

1. Budget 

Live within your means. Don’t keep up with the Jones.’

There’s nothing worse than trying to live a life you cannot afford. Be honest and ask yourself whether peace, freedom, or material things are more important. If you feel like you are drowning in bills or are just living to work, consider downsizing (however that looks to you). Budgeting also plays a huge role. These two things create fewer expenses and help you manage expenses so that your surplus can be used on bills, debt, and miscellaneous items. You can even use the surplus to fund services that take the weight of life off of you. Fewer expenses mean you don’t have to pick up double or triple shifts to make ends meet, resulting in less stress.

Save

This is an extension of the prior. Don’t spend to the ceiling of your income. Try putting at least a certain percentage of your choice, into savings, for a rainy day. This security of having some money stored away will make you feel more at ease in times to come. 

2. Useful Services

Get Triple-A

Especially important for a woman that may not have a male, someone around them that knows cars, or someone who can lend a helping hand amid car troubles. This is a must. Getting a Triple A membership allows you to have roadside assistance in times of need. We all know that life is unpredictable, and nothing is worse than trying to start your car and realizing the battery is dead with no one to give you a boost or things like a flat tire. Consider this if you often run into car struggles, and it’s causing you stress.

Car service

We all have days when we want to be chauffeured. If you don’t feel like driving, taking public transportation, or living in a city and don’t want to deal with street parking, think about a car/taxi service. Popular mobile apps like Uber or Lyft make booking simple. I assure you, it’s worth the peace of mind and the occasional luxury.

Hair appointment

If you have a lot of hair or if it’s thick, coarse, and curly like mine, you can relate to me when I say washing hair day is a workout and a chore. Sometimes I cannot deal. So, when you cannot deal and would rather sit in a chair and be pampered, please do it! While at it, check out the blog post on creating a “Feminine Maintenance Routine.” Hair appointments are one of those things that I think every woman should book every once in a while.

Purchase a mobile hotspot (for those who work from home)

If you have the pleasure of a WFH job, don’t become a slave to your own home. Invest in a mobile hotspot that allows you to change scenery while working. Whether that’s on the beach or in a hotel downtown. Use the privilege you have to your advantage. 

3. Ask for Help

Feminine women are okay with asking for help in times of need.

Go to therapy or seek counsel.

If you are struggling emotionally or need to vent, speak to someone. It will feel like a load lifted.

Call a friend or family member.

If you have a task you can’t do on your own, whether moving, heavy lifting, etc., lean on your support system and the people who care about you for their help.

Seek the Face of God

God should be our best friend. His word says he will never leave us nor forsake us. His word also says he is the Prince of Peace. Lean on him for everything, commit your work to him, and he will direct your steps. He says his yoke is easy, and his burden is light; you will find rest in him. How better to live a soft life than to give every burden to the King of Kings? Read his word, meditate on it, and pray to him; he will supply your needs. 

Philippians 4:6
New International Version
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Proverbs 3:5-6
New International Version
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[a]
Matthew 11:28-30
New International Version
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Deuteronomy 31:8
New International Version
8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
Isaiah 9:6
New International Version
6 For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

4. Outsource

Time is money. Consider outsourcing for things that are beyond your capacity or that you don’t have the time and energy to attend to. This can free up your day to spend however you please. Some things on this list may seem super luxurious or pricey, and some may be just that, but let me challenge you to still inquire about the rates of each service. You may be surprised that certain services may be within your reach.

Examples of outsourcing services you can consider:

  • Meal prep companies (Here’s one I use “Green Chef – Click the link for $150 off when you place your first order)
  • Grocery delivery services (InstaCart) for when you don’t feel like roaming down the aisles for two hours, leaving your house, or having multiple things to do for the day.
  • Cleaning Service (Not always as expensive as you think. Ask for rates and don’t count it out)
  • Private Chef (This may be a luxury, but if you have disposable income, why not!)
  • Laundry Service (your local laundromat may provide these services; walk in or call to inquire)

5. Create Boundaries

Learn When to say No, and Don’t overextend yourself.

It isn’t every request you are presented with that you have to say yes to. If you are a Christ follower, you know we are called to have the fruits of the spirit, including kindness and goodness. But consider your mental and physical health. You can’t help others when you aren’t well yourself. If you are physically or emotionally drained, learn how to politely decline requests outside your capacity and pray for the discernment needed to know when you are being called to help. 

6. Chill Out

Quiet Quit

This new term has surfaced, which has a negative connotation if looked at from an employer’s standpoint. It means to do precisely what your job requires (the bare minimum). If you are dissatisfied with your workplace and have a little while before transitioning or want to preserve your energy, stop being an overachiever! Consider doing what you are supposed to do but nothing more. Have a set goal for the day you know your employer would be satisfied, and do just that. Don’t overwork or burn yourself out. Remember to work smart, not hard. And keep in mind your work/life balance.

Spa Day/Self-Care

Plan a Spa day or make a spa appointment (massages and wellness treatments are therapeutic, so indulge when you can). Check out the blog post on a “Feminine Self-Care Routine” for targets to hit when treating yourself at home.

Laugh a little

Laughter is food for the soul. Take time to laugh and hang out with family, friends, or yourself. Watch a comedy special or go to one in person. Binge-watch some shows or hang out with friends.

Have daily quiet/meditation time

Whether you are extroverted or introverted, we all need quiet time; this allows us to recharge personally, socially, and spiritually. If you are constantly surrounded by bustling activity and people, when do you have the opportunity for peace of mind or to hear from God? If it is hard to escape, create a prayer/isolation closet, plan an intentional solo weekend trip/date, and get creative.

7. Plan for the Future

The Bible says there is a season for everything; there’s a time to sow and reap. There may be certain seasons in your life when you will be planting seeds to see personal and spiritual growth. In those seasons, you will work harder than usual, but in due time you will be able to harvest the fruit of your labor. Those seeds may involve education (for increased income or personal achievement), physical labor (for a move), creating passive income, child-rearing, etc. Those things may result in sleepless nights, mental strain, and physical exhaustion, but to eat, you must plant. Proper care, thought, and planning invested into your future will help you to live easily in times to come.

Create Passive Income

Your life vision may not be to continue up the corporate ladder or to clock in until retirement. You may want to increase your lifestyle to outsource daily tasks, create free time, or provide security for those closest to you (like children/loved ones). Find ways to make your money work for you. Consider investing in real estate, stocks, or creating a business. This long-term plan allows for more income revenue.

Invest In Yourself 

Get a certification, take a course, find opportunities to network, or go back to school. Investing in yourself by acquiring new skills can make you more marketable. This marketability may increase personal achievement and opportunities for higher pay, which can increase your lifestyle and allow for a surplus of income that can go towards savings, outsourcing, or debt.

Meal prep food for the week in advance

Set aside a day when you prep food to be cooked throughout the week or cook food to be heated up throughout the week. Either way, it’s less to worry about as days follow. 

Have specific chore days

Split your chores. Have a laundry day, a meal prep day, a self-care day, running errands, and a cleaning day. Cramming all your to-dos can be stressful; try to space them out.

8. Aesthetic

Create a beautiful home space.

Make your house a home. You don’t need to live in a big house to find contentment and joy. Whether in a small apartment building, a private house, a condo, or a single-family home, decorate, and have pride in your space. Your environment can invoke peace and make you feel soft and luxurious. Do you ever walk into a messy space and it gives you a chaotic feeling or a room that is just bare with no personalization? Both can make one feel a bit uncomfortable.  Check out VivaTerra if you want some green living-inspired decor. They have a unique inventory!

9. Take Regular Vacations

You may not opt to travel at all, but taking some time away from work allows us to reset and intentionally unplug. Traveling produces an opportunity to change scenery, experience different cultures, and have fun. When travel or vacations become a regular part of your life, it can help you defeat that endless cycle of life schedule disdain, especially if you know your next vacation is just around the corner.

Traveling gets you out of your bubble and makes you realize there is a world to be experienced. Sometimes people equate vacations with luxury. Vacations can be luxurious (of course), but they can be planned, budgeted for, and economical. If regular vacations are not already a part of your yearly routine, try them out. I am sure you will see how much more refreshed you are.

10. Relocate

There are seasons in your life when you may need to reposition. If you find yourself drained every day thinking about the environment you are in, it may be time for another. For example: If you live in a big city and just stepping out your door is a stressor, you may need to be elsewhere. Maybe it’s the cost of living where you are, the parking, the noise, or the fact that you must live with roommates/relatives to get by. You may be by people who are not beneficial to your mental health. Don’t be afraid of change. Something in your spirit may even be telling you it’s time. Pray about it first, and make a move. Follow that up with research on an ideal place for you and some financial planning.

11. Change Careers

Do not put yourself in a box. Be fearless. Sometimes we believe ourselves to be monoliths. You are allowed to be many things in this lifetime. Don’t allow yourself to think that because you have invested so much into education and a career, you must stay in that place forever. And definitely, don’t stay where you feel unfulfilled or overworked. Don’t stay places where you feel your heart calling you elsewhere. Try to brainstorm and self-reflect about what you ultimately want. This change may be just what you needed to live a soft life because you’d be doing what you want on your terms.

12. Invest in Luxury Items

When you reach a certain level of maturity and stability as a woman, it is time to invest in luxury items. Luxury items provide you with a state of great comfort and extravagance. I believe that every woman deserves to feel luxurious. Think about the things that you desire and admire. Lean into those things, knowing they can enhance or increase your lifestyle. 

Some examples of luxury items include:

  • Invest in some high-quality clothing items for your wardrobe instead of the fast fashion websites that have become popular. (A little black dress that can be worn on several occasions; A high-quality leather purse; high-quality pumps in standard colors like red, black, brown, and nude; Good quality leather flats, a cashmere sweater)

When investing in clothing and shoes, consider high-quality materials and fabrics like leather, silk, cashmere, suede, and wool. Clothing and accessories can be investment pieces to be resold in the future, should they hold value. They can also allow you to save money because they last for so long when kept in good condition. As opposed to fast fashion brands that you have to throw out with every passing season because they rip and tear or are too trendy to want to wear some years from now. 

Other Luxury Items to consider:

  • A silk pillowcase to preserve that skin and moisture in your hair
  • A full-sized bottle of your favorite perfume
  • Timeless Jewelry pieces 
  • A pretty candle (Check out PaddyWax for thoughtfully designed, beautifully fragranced candles to set the ambiance and create nostalgia throughout your home)
  • A durable and fashionable suitcase for your travels
  • A set of Robes to wear at home, like A long silk one, A waffle or terrycloth robe (for after a bath), or a plush one for just lounging around
  • Good quality undergarments like 100% Cotton underwear (my favorites are from the Jockey Brand) or lacy and pretty lingerie sets.
  • High quality close to medical grade or natural skin care. Investing in your skin while young produces apparent benefits. (Check out 100 Percent Pure– They are a company that sells all-natural skin care products and fruit-pigmented makeup. Remember that chemicals leech into the skin, and our skin is our body’s largest organ. So it is best to use products that are closest to nature. My favorite E-Commerce website Dermstore.com has a crazy inventory of some of the best skincare brands out there, be sure to check them out. Read the “Feminine Self Care Routine” blog post for some of my recommendations for yummy, good-quality products.)

Consider what resting in your femininity means when creating a Soft Life. What areas in your life can use some smoothing out? Tell me in the comments; I may be able to relate. Don’t forget to share with someone who would be interested!

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Thanks for sticking by until the end!

I hope this was helpful!

Start creating that Soft Life, girl!

God bless.

Feminine Maintenance Routine

7 Appointments to Book as a Woman

The image features a beautifully designed graphic with florals, a planner and pen in background to represent someone planning their maintenance routine and creating a self-care feminine maintenance routine that suits their needs.

Hello Lovely,

Do you have a maintenance routine or schedule? 

The last time we spoke, we discussed self-care and amping up our natural beauty. We had major target areas to focus on, such as our: skin (face and body), nails, teeth, fragrance, and feet. Most of the things we discussed were ways to care for ourselves, taking a hands-on, DIY approach. But…what things should we budget for as a feminine woman? What appointments should we make related to beauty or health and wellness when seeking professional help or when we would like to preserve our energy? That, my friend, is called a maintenance schedule or routine.

Let’s get into it.

We can create a template for this maintenance routine using the same target areas. Please understand that maintenance as a woman is not only for beautifying ourselves outwardly, but it also considers things that allow us to rest in our femininity. Things that allow us to be soft and unwind. Activities that are health and wellness based.

Two things to consider are Your BUDGET and the Frequency of Scheduling. Your frequency for scheduling beauty and wellness appointments for target areas is based on your lifestyle. Ask yourself these questions: Do I want to supplement these appointments with my DIY self-care, or do I have a significant budget to take a hands-off approach? Do you live an active life that requires higher maintenance (exercise, events, etc.) Think about these things and plan accordingly.

As a woman, allowing ourselves to be pampered and paying for services without feeling guilty is okay. This allows for self-preservation in the physical sense (outward appearance) and mental (energy and peace).

Hair

Schedule a Hair appointment.

Find a hairstylist that is knowledgeable about hair health and styling. That way, when you want to look extra dolled up, you can, but not at the expense of damaging your hair. Get an added deep treatment service and enjoy that toe-curling shampoo scrub. 

Skin

A woman’s skin is to be nourished, nurtured, and treated. Glowing, smooth skin radiates femininity and can be a glimpse into one’s overall health. Mechanical exfoliation catalyzes removing dead skin cells and is very important in smooth skin. Treatments are also a must. 

Book A Facial

Find an esthetician (someone who specializes in beautifying the skin by providing cosmetic/superficial treatments) that you trust and whose services and products offer a noticeable change in your skin. An esthetician will give you extractions and provide services you wouldn’t usually be able to do on your own.

Get a Korean Body Scrub

This form of mechanical exfoliation originating in Korea removes the accumulation of gunk, dirt, and dead skin cells upon the surface of your skin (body), incorporating a gritty-like textured skin glove and hot water. It is worth a try! It is relaxing, and that baby smooth skin is worth it! Many Asian-inspired spas offer this service. There is a certain level of nudity, so keep this in mind.

Nails

Pencil in a Manicure and Pedicure Appointment

Groomed nails give a polished look. Search for a nail tech or experiment with salons that are within your budget and that you feel provide excellent service.

Health & Wellness

Book a massage

Massages are therapeutic in that they relieve stress and alleviate pain. They also provide an intentional way to unplug and escape. Find a spa that has experienced and skilled masseuses and gives you an ambiance of zen. And if you don’t want to leave your space, you can even book an in-home massage!

Join a gym or drop in on a fitness class.

Physical fitness is essential in how we feel about ourselves and our bodies. It can be a chore, but keeping active and exercising can release endorphins that alleviate stress and even help with period cramps! If you are looking for long-term investment and are sure to remain consistent, find a gym and get a membership. Suppose you want more autonomy and don’t want to make a financial commitment to drop in on a fitness class now and again. Zumba, pilates, yoga, HIIT, boot camps, it’s entirely up to you.

Seek counsel

Mental health has become increasingly normalized, and for a good reason. If you need help, seek it; there is no shame in this. Whether it’s a pastor, a counselor, a life coach, or a therapist, you cannot be your best self as a woman if you are struggling mentally. This counsel can be the one thing holding you back from embracing your God-given womanhood, so please consider it. It is worth the investment.

This list is just a reference. You may opt to do more or less. Have fun with it and make it your own. Tailor your womanly maintenance routine to fit your personal needs and desires. Having a maintenance routine allows you to be structured, organized, and intentional about self-preservation and allows you to put your most beautiful self forward.

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God Bless!

The Biblical Virtuous Woman vs. The Secular Renaissance Woman

Hello Lovely,

As we embark on this journey of virtuous renaissance womanhood, I thought it essential to discuss the foundation, model, and this state of being a woman. Who is a virtuous renaissance woman? Where does the idea come from? What does it mean to have either virtuous or renaissance qualities? And, how do the two parallel?

Comparing the two starts a conversation, shares insight, and presents an archetype. This archetype represents a woman of excellent capability, morale, and worth. I am also on this journey and don’t claim to know it all. 

The “Virtuous Woman” comes directly from the Bible, also known as “The Proverbs 31 Woman.” Proverbs is a book of wisdom in the Bible, written in poetry. Chapter 31 in the book of Proverbs introduces a prophecy told to King Lemuel by his mother. I encourage you to study this passage for yourself.

The Virtuous Woman

“Virtue” is the sum of her characteristics. The tenth verse of Proverbs chapter 31 introduces her as a wife. But, if we pay careful attention to the words, “Who can find a virtuous wife?” we understand that having virtue is a quality that exists before marriage. It is a quality that all women should work towards, regardless of marital status. But still, what does that word mean? To have Virtue is to have a high moral standard, according to the Oxford Dictionary. 

Outside of the secular definition, the Bible gives us this blueprint. Here are the 12 most notable characteristics of a Virtuous Woman.

Qualities of a Virtuous Woman

1. She’s TRUSTWORTHY

2. She’s a HARD WORKER

3. She’s GENEROUS and HOSPITABLE

4. She’s AN INVESTOR and makes smart investments

5. She EXERTS HER STRENGTH

6. She’s RESOURCEFUL

7. She is WELL-DRESSED

8. She’s INSIGHTFUL (has wisdom and intelligence)

9. She’s KIND in speech (check out this post on emotional control)

10. She’s a HOMEMAKER

11. Those closest to her know her worth and she is praised.

12. Her value comes from her FEAR IN THE LORD (not in her charm or looks)

The Renaissance Woman

As you can see, the qualities of the biblical virtuous woman are extensive. Now, let us look at the secular Renaissance Woman. There is not much of a blueprint for emulating this woman, but by definition, we know her to have many talents or areas of knowledge. Her many interests make her well-rounded. What we do know is that she was trained in the areas of arts and sciences; and committed to lifelong learning.

Both the biblical and the secular are exemplary. They both describe a woman who possesses great worth and is an asset to those closest to her. I can’t help but notice that the biblical example of this valuable woman has more depth and is less vague. The Bible focuses on the character qualities of an individual, in addition to developed skills, with emphasis on her love for God. In comparison, the secular renaissance woman tends to focus on just the surface level or worldly achievements. 

The Word of God will forever be my ultimate blueprint of what it means to be a high-value woman, not what the world spews out to me through social media, society, others’ opinions, etc. You see, God has bought us with a price, and it is in our best interest to follow his lead in all things.  I encourage you to follow God’s blueprint to become the woman he has ordained for you to be.

1 Corinthians 6:20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

Proverbs 1:7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction.

God Bless You!

Self-Care Tips for Women

Feminine Self-Care

A woman peacefully moisturizing her legs in a turban and robe as part of her self-care routine

A VERY Detailed Guide to going from Beast to Beauty

Hello Lovely,

Before getting into this list of feminine must-dos and must-haves, know this is a no-judgment zone. Even the most organized, feminine woman has their seasons (some more frequent than others) when life gets busy, or they’re unmotivated. Our beauty and self-care routines are a low priority during these times. Let this be a motivator for you to get back on it! When you look good, you feel good! It’s not cliché. It’s the truth. Your body is your temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20); treat it with care, and prune what God has blessed you with. Here we go! Self-Care Tips for women!

As a woman creating a maintenance routine is, the first must. This self-care guide will help you target areas that are out of control. We will be focusing on bringing out the natural radiance and beauty. Stay tuned to the blog for some internal tips (because you are what you eat) that will help you look your best. For right now, we will focus on the external.

The class is in session! Let us start with an outline:

Skin, Teeth, Fragrance, Hair, Nails, Feet, and Make-up.

Target #1 Skin (Self-Care Tips for Face, Body, and Feet)

Our skin is the largest organ of our body. If something takes up that much space, you will do well to treat and care for it. It is also one of the first things people will see when meeting you. Upon taking a course in evolutionary psychology, I learned that when men search for a mate, they subconsciously are drawn to glowing and healthy-looking skin, as it is a fertility indicator. I thought this to be quite fascinating to learn. Skin covers different areas of our body, having different densities and sensitivities. Therefore, your products and routines must be tailored accordingly. 

Let us separate skin into three subcategories Face, body, and feet.

a) Face (Cleanse, Exfoliate, Treat, Moisturize, Protect)

The first step in feminine self-care is assessing your skin and seeing which areas you want to improve. You can better treat if you assess. Remember your skin type (dry, oily, combination, combination dry, combination oily) and adjust products accordingly. Skin issues can vary; you may deal with hyperpigmentation, dullness, redness, acne, hormonal breakouts, etc. Let’s focus on the basics: Cleanse, exfoliate, treat, moisturize, and protect. In that order!

Because the skin is our largest organ, toxins can be easily absorbed into and through the bloodstream. For this reason, try brands that pride themselves in using natural or wholesome ingredients. This guide will provide examples of natural and effective, gentle, and non-natural products.

Another thing to remember is to ensure you are using something that is not breaking you out, which may defeat our skincare goals. Ensure you are not allergic to anything within a product to prevent breakouts. You will know this through prior knowledge of food allergies or by doing a patch test before trying anything new. Secondly, there is something in the dermatological world called comedogenicity. When an ingredient is comedogenic, the substance is more likely to cause clogging of the pores, leading to blemishes and blackheads.

Comedogenic Scale

Since learning about the comedogenicity scale years ago, I have avoided those types of breakouts caused by products not geared toward acne-prone skin. Check the ingredient label on the back of each product you use, and if most of the ingredients rate high on the scale, they are more likely to cause you to break out. Use the chart below before purchasing a new product and to check products in your current rotation.

CLEANSE

Here are some of the cleansers I have in my rotation:

Dermaharmony Salicylic Acid Soap (natural)

(This foamy bar cleanser has oats for soothing and salicylic acid for light exfoliation and pore cleaning)

Zatik Naturals Dragon’s Blood and Lavender Tonic Cleanser (natural)

(A light cleanser with minimal suds that’s gentle on the skin with the active ingredient dragon’s blood sap, proven effective against various skin issues, including pimples.)

La Roche Posay Deep Cleansing Foaming Facial Cleanser

(A French brand that will give you that super foamy deep cleanse you need whether you have oily skin, a long day out, or have been wearing make-up)

Panoxyl Acne Foaming Wash

(A powerful acne testing wash with 10% Benzoyl Peroxide that kills bacteria causing pimples on the spot)

Cerave SA Cleanser

(A gentle, mildly foaming cleanser with active ingredients such as salicylic acid, hyaluronic acid, and niacinamide. These ingredients treat breakouts, don’t dry you out, and help treat those blemishes.)

All these cleansers I lather into my gentle facial sponge to get a deep clean. My fingertips never seem like enough to get that pore cleansing. 

EXFOLIATE

Dead skin cells can build up on the surface, causing dullness and uneven texture. To create smooth skin, gentle and daily exfoliation is necessary. Exfoliation can be done chemically using (acids) or mechanically (scrubs). Unfortunately, both methods can be abused and misused. I, for example, used to overdo the mechanical exfoliation, disrupting my skin barrier and causing small cuts (fissures) and sensitivities. I am sure you have heard of apricot scrub; I cringe thinking about those days. Scrubs like these can be so rough on the skin!

Now I do light chemical exfoliation (don’t fear the word chemical), which includes natural acids like salicylic acid, lactic acid, and glycolic acids. These acids are naturally occurring in many botanicals used in skincare. Daily, gentle exfoliation can allow for a bright glow and fresh-looking skin. 

My exfoliation products for feminine self-care include cleansers, masks, and serums. Here are some feminine self-care staples:

Dermharmony Salicylic Acid Soap

Andalou Naturals Berry Fruit Enzyme Mask

Eminence Organics Mangosteen Resurfacing Cream

TREAT

We discussed assessing our skin needs, considering any improvements we would like to see, and following that with research and trial and error. Skin treatments catalyze improvements and come in many forms. Some come as a serum to be used after a moisturizer or a mask after cleansing.

Here are some of my favorites:

Eminence Organics Licorice Root Serum 

(A serum that treats pesky hyperpigmentation and blemishes)

Herbivore Botanicals Blue Tansy 

(An herbal mask for pore-clearing, blackheads, and refining, with an herbal scent)

Eminence Probiotic Mask 

(A mask with a cooling feeling and probiotics are proven to be effective for acne and hormonal breakouts)

Aztec Healing Clay

(This mask brings all that dirt, debris, and oil to the surface of the skin, detoxing while pore cleansing-to be used with apple cider vinegar)

Eminence Hungarian Herbal Mask

(A nutrient-rich all-natural herbal mask with a spicy feel to bring blood flow to the face for a rosy glow while blemish-fighting. Please don’t use it after mechanical exfoliation, or it will burn)

MOISTURIZE

Pay attention to your skin type in using a moisturizer. For example, dry skin may require an extra boost of natural oils by using a rich crème or adding a drop of hyaluronic acid to a light moisturizer. In contrast, oily skin may only need a light, easily absorbent moisturizer. Either way, moisture is essential in the overall health and maintenance of your skin, whether oily or dry.

Here is another list of some of my favorites:

Hyaluronic Acid

La Neige brand

Eminence moisturizers like blueberry soy

PROTECT

Every skin type and complexion requires sun protection to varying degrees. Without this, you risk premature aging as time goes on, freckling, or even cancer. Don’t forget that the treatments we are incorporating into our feminine self-care routines, including the acids, can cause photosensitivity making you sun sensitive. It can reverse what is being treated without proper protection, especially hyperpigmentation.

I haven’t experimented too much with sun protection because I got an excellent recommendation from my aesthetician years ago for a product that doesn’t burn my eyes upon application, doesn’t leave a white cast, and easily disperses. That product is:

Elta MD SPF

b) Body (Exfoliate, Moisturize, Protect)

For our body, skin exfoliation, moisturizing, and protection are feminine self-care must. As we have learned, exfoliation keeps skin smooth and radiant! Depending on the product, moisturizing can treat and nourish the skin, decrease itchiness, and provide a healthy glow. Sun protection reduces premature aging and health issues. 

I enjoy using body gloves instead of those messy scrubs to exfoliate. I find them to be more effective. However, don’t neglect those smaller parts of your body prone to hyperpigmentation, like the elbows, armpits, and inner thighs. I like to use a glycolic acid toner for those areas on a cotton pad.

For moisturizing, I am a fan of heavy and nourishing body butters for soaking wet after the shower. However, you can opt for an easily absorbed cream if you don’t want the greasy feel.

Once again, I only use one brand when I protect: Elta MD. Feel free to experiment and use what works best for your skin type, preference, and budget. 

Here’s a list of feminine self-care products that fit into one of the three categories:

Exfoliating Body Glove

c) Feet

Don’t forget about your feet even when it’s not summer! Exfoliate them to prevent callouses on the heels and your big toes, moisturize, and file/trim/buff nails when necessary. For my feet, since the skin is denser than my face, I mechanically exfoliate and chemically exfoliate by using an AHA (alpha hydroxy acid cream), which also moisturizes.

Check out this list:

Target #2 (Self-Care Tips for Nails)

Groomed nails are a sure sign that someone takes care of themselves. This doesn’t mean you must be super fancy with embellishments or nail extensions. It just means keeping them clean, buffed, and trimmed. Do your self-care! I will share products that help to trim cuticles, file the nails, and polish.

I have recently discovered a non-toxic nail polish brand that is like gel in that it dries instantly with a slighter, longer curing process. It is easy to remove with minimal damage to the natural nail. In every area of our beauty routines, we need to make sure that what we use isn’t damaging the natural God-given traits we have. Enhancing the beauty, not damaging beauty, should be our priority. Acrylics, powders, and even gel can cause damage to the nail that takes a while to recover; keep this in mind.

  • Cuticle pusher
  • Cuticle Oil
  • Clipper,
  • Nail Filer
  • Nail Drill/Buffer

Target #3 (Teeth)

Our teeth are one of the first few things seen upon interaction. So let’s keep those pearly whites, pearly white, and protected! Please consult your dentist before anything.

An ingredient that is in most whitening toothpaste and kits is hydrogen peroxide. When you look at a bottle of peroxide, you will notice that it says it’s an oral debriding agent and safe to use orally when appropriately diluted. I have religiously squeezed some drops onto my wet toothbrush, then squeezed some toothpaste on top following this brushing. Once a week, do a deep clean with baking soda. These two ingredients can be found in your kitchen. Try it out!

Target #4 (Fragrance)

There is nothing like a sweet-smelling woman! A feminine self-care must! Fragrance historically has been known to be used for wellness, attraction, and religious purposes.

Something I deem as a coming-of-maturity event is discovering one’s signature scent. Playing around with fragrance can be so fun. You can layer and choose fragrances for different hours of the day or special occasions. One method that helps me to identify which scents are keepers is to try samplers of different companies. This allows you to be economical about trying multiple fragrances at once. Here are some of my favorite fragrance companies:

Jo Malone

Lollia 

Nest

Target #5 (Make-up)

Make-up is an extra step in feminine self-care. It isn’t necessary but gives a polished and refined look. You don’t always need a completely beat face for your beauty to shine through. Remember that everyone has flaws, and they make us unique. If you are dealing with major skin issues, it may not be best for you to cake on make-up which can affect the look and progression of your skin.

Focus on breathable light to medium coverage and accentuate features that stand out (like the eyes, lips, and cheeks). A skin tint or bb cream may provide light to medium complexion coverage. Mascara may open and frame your eyes. Some lip liner and lip gloss will provide a feminine appeal, and a mineral blush will give you a healthy flushed look. You can also opt for a golden highlight for a sunkissed look.

While you’re at it, check out 100 Percent Pure. They are an all-natural skincare and make-up company. All of their make-up is fruit pigmented. Make-up, especially foundations and lip products, tend to have nasty chemicals in their formulas that enter the bloodstream. It’s nice to use sustainable products and keep our health in mind.

This was a VERY detailed routine, so if you are towards the end of this, you mean business, and you want to look, smell, and feel good!

Thanks for stopping by. I hope this helps!

God Bless!