An Intro

Feminine Lifestyle & Aesthetic

Hello Lovely,

Do you want to create a soft life? Are you already living a soft life? Do you know what having a soft life means?

If you are active on social media, you know women are trying to move into a new trend or era. This new trend that is being explored is something called “The Soft Girl Aesthetic.” If you have no clue, don’t feel left out. I am about to break it down. 

It’s always interesting to see how society progresses into different ages with each passing decade. I see a new shift in femininity, and I love it. As a black woman, I will have to frame my observation of this shift through the lens of my cultural exposure and experience. 

The Miss Independent and Boss Babe

For the past decade, it seems the “Miss Independent” character of a woman was what was glorified; thanks, Ne-Yo. This woman could do any and everything with or without a man. She took charge of her career, relationships, and personal life. She had her own stuff, did her own thing, and wanted you but did not need you. Over the past few years, this has transitioned into the “Boss Babe” aesthetic with the rise of entrepreneurs and the rise of social media influencers, and the increasing level of high-earning, well-educated women. Everyone now wants to be a boss.

But what implications does the Miss Independent or the Boss Babe lifestyle/mindset have on a woman’s psyche? Have we seen an influx of hyper-masculine women since, such that society has not seen before? Is this due to women putting on or having to put on roles that overshadow their identities or dilute their femininity? As a society of women, are we suffering from burnout so that we can fit into the Boss Babe aesthetic? This is a loaded topic that I am afraid one blog post won’t do enough justice to unpack. 

Within the past two years, there seems to be an increase in femininity content. I am glad to contribute to or add to this increase, as I feel this has been lacking for a long time. You can search on Youtube and Pinterest and find hundreds and thousands of content creators sharing hygiene routines, feminine dating advice, etiquette, ways to dress, etc. It looks like we are tapping back into the source or attributes of traditional womanhood.

The End of an Era ~ Enter The Soft Girl

And now we have the “Soft Girl Era.” There may be many interpretations or definitions of what it means to be a soft girl or have a soft life, but I will give you mine. A “soft life” means curating a life that allows a woman to rest in her femininity. Resting in your femininity means embodying the traditional characteristics of a woman, the opposite of what hard is. It means avoiding burnout to remain delicate spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. A soft girl does not overexert herself, but this does not mean she is lazy. It means she plans and prepares for things in advance. She budgets for outsourcing specific tasks and is unafraid to ask for help. It also means she takes time out of her schedule for self-care.

What it means to have a “Soft Life” and how the “Soft Girl Era” promotes rest and femininity.

You don’t have to give into burnout culture. One can have boundaries for peace of mind, be as delicate as a flower in nature and speech, and dress femininely. As an aspiring “Soft-Girl,” you can outsource specific tasks outside your capacity. You can allow time in the day for leisure, meditation, and rest. You do not have to be a workhouse all of the time. Life will never be stress-free, but we can get a handle on what we can control.

I’m not sure if this gives you a good enough vision of what this life looks like. Maybe you have only had the opposite examples in your life or childhood, so this idea seems a bit foreign and odd. Step outside of your environment and tap into how you want your life to operate or what you want it to look like. Sometimes we have to become the prototype we are looking to others for. I firmly believe in not having to be wealthy to curate the life you want, so feel free to budget and plan for things you choose to prioritize. Work smart, not hard.

Before the meat of it all, I would like to put out a disclaimer. Creating a “Soft Life” does not mean life suddenly becomes stress-free. It just means looking for ways to decrease our load so that we, as women, are not tapping into the most frazzled versions of ourselves but tapping into our God-given ability to be emotionally present for ourselves and others. To be kind, gentle, pleasant, and well-maintained. 

The Soft Life

With all that being said, let’s get into these examples of how to “Create a Soft Life” as a woman.

1. Budget 

Live within your means. Don’t keep up with the Jones.’

There’s nothing worse than trying to live a life you cannot afford. Be honest and ask yourself whether peace, freedom, or material things are more important. If you feel like you are drowning in bills or are just living to work, consider downsizing (however that looks to you). Budgeting also plays a huge role. These two things create fewer expenses and help you manage expenses so that your surplus can be used on bills, debt, and miscellaneous items. You can even use the surplus to fund services that take the weight of life off of you. Fewer expenses mean you don’t have to pick up double or triple shifts to make ends meet, resulting in less stress.

Save

This is an extension of the prior. Don’t spend to the ceiling of your income. Try putting at least a certain percentage of your choice, into savings, for a rainy day. This security of having some money stored away will make you feel more at ease in times to come. 

2. Useful Services

Get Triple-A

Especially important for a woman that may not have a male, someone around them that knows cars, or someone who can lend a helping hand amid car troubles. This is a must. Getting a Triple A membership allows you to have roadside assistance in times of need. We all know that life is unpredictable, and nothing is worse than trying to start your car and realizing the battery is dead with no one to give you a boost or things like a flat tire. Consider this if you often run into car struggles, and it’s causing you stress.

Car service

We all have days when we want to be chauffeured. If you don’t feel like driving, taking public transportation, or living in a city and don’t want to deal with street parking, think about a car/taxi service. Popular mobile apps like Uber or Lyft make booking simple. I assure you, it’s worth the peace of mind and the occasional luxury.

Hair appointment

If you have a lot of hair or if it’s thick, coarse, and curly like mine, you can relate to me when I say washing hair day is a workout and a chore. Sometimes I cannot deal. So, when you cannot deal and would rather sit in a chair and be pampered, please do it! While at it, check out the blog post on creating a “Feminine Maintenance Routine.” Hair appointments are one of those things that I think every woman should book every once in a while.

Purchase a mobile hotspot (for those who work from home)

If you have the pleasure of a WFH job, don’t become a slave to your own home. Invest in a mobile hotspot that allows you to change scenery while working. Whether that’s on the beach or in a hotel downtown. Use the privilege you have to your advantage. 

3. Ask for Help

Feminine women are okay with asking for help in times of need.

Go to therapy or seek counsel.

If you are struggling emotionally or need to vent, speak to someone. It will feel like a load lifted.

Call a friend or family member.

If you have a task you can’t do on your own, whether moving, heavy lifting, etc., lean on your support system and the people who care about you for their help.

Seek the Face of God

God should be our best friend. His word says he will never leave us nor forsake us. His word also says he is the Prince of Peace. Lean on him for everything, commit your work to him, and he will direct your steps. He says his yoke is easy, and his burden is light; you will find rest in him. How better to live a soft life than to give every burden to the King of Kings? Read his word, meditate on it, and pray to him; he will supply your needs. 

Philippians 4:6
New International Version
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Proverbs 3:5-6
New International Version
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Matthew 11:28-30
New International Version
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Deuteronomy 31:8
New International Version
8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Isaiah 9:6
New International Version
6 For to us a child is born,
    to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

4. Outsource

Time is money. Consider outsourcing for things that are beyond your capacity or that you don’t have the time and energy to attend to. This can free up your day to spend however you please. Some things on this list may seem super luxurious or pricey, and some may be just that, but let me challenge you to still inquire about the rates of each service. You may be surprised that certain services may be within your reach.

Examples of outsourcing services you can consider:

• Meal prep companies (Here’s one I use “Green Chef – Click the link for $150 off when you place your first order)

• Grocery delivery services (InstaCart) for when you don’t feel like roaming down the aisles for two hours, leaving your house, or having multiple things to do for the day.

• Cleaning Service (Not always as expensive as you think. Ask for rates and don’t count it out)

• Private Chef (This may be a luxury, but if you have disposable income, why not!)

• Laundry Service (your local laundromat may provide these services; walk in or call to inquire)

5. Create Boundaries

Learn When to say No, and Don’t overextend yourself.

It isn’t every request you are presented with that you have to say yes to. If you are a Christ follower, you know we are called to have the fruits of the spirit, including kindness and goodness. But consider your mental and physical health. You can’t help others when you aren’t well yourself. If you are physically or emotionally drained, learn how to politely decline requests outside your capacity and pray for the discernment needed to know when you are being called to help. 

6. Chill Out

Quiet Quit

This new term has surfaced, which has a negative connotation if looked at from an employer’s standpoint. It means to do precisely what your job requires (the bare minimum). If you are dissatisfied with your workplace and have a little while before transitioning or want to preserve your energy, stop being an overachiever! Consider doing what you are supposed to do but nothing more. Have a set goal for the day you know your employer would be satisfied, and do just that. Don’t overwork or burn yourself out. Remember to work smart, not hard. And keep in mind your work/life balance.

Spa Day/Self-Care

Plan a Spa day or make a spa appointment (massages and wellness treatments are therapeutic, so indulge when you can). Check out the blog post on a “Feminine Self-Care Routine” for targets to hit when treating yourself at home.

Laugh a little

Laughter is food for the soul. Take time to laugh and hang out with family, friends, or yourself. Watch a comedy special or go to one in person. Binge-watch some shows or hang out with friends.

Have daily quiet/meditation time

Whether you are extroverted or introverted, we all need quiet time; this allows us to recharge personally, socially, and spiritually. If you are constantly surrounded by bustling activity and people, when do you have the opportunity for peace of mind or to hear from God? If it is hard to escape, create a prayer/isolation closet, plan an intentional solo weekend trip/date, and get creative.

7. Plan for the Future

The Bible says there is a season for everything; there’s a time to sow and reap. There may be certain seasons in your life when you will be planting seeds to see personal and spiritual growth. In those seasons, you will work harder than usual, but in due time you will be able to harvest the fruit of your labor. Those seeds may involve education (for increased income or personal achievement), physical labor (for a move), creating passive income, child-rearing, etc. Those things may result in sleepless nights, mental strain, and physical exhaustion, but to eat, you must plant. Proper care, thought, and planning invested into your future will help you to live easily in times to come.

Create Passive Income

Your life vision may not be to continue up the corporate ladder or to clock in until retirement. You may want to increase your lifestyle to outsource daily tasks, create free time, or provide security for those closest to you (like children/loved ones). Find ways to make your money work for you. Consider investing in real estate, stocks, or creating a business. This long-term plan allows for more income revenue.

Invest In Yourself 

Get a certification, take a course, find opportunities to network, or go back to school. Investing in yourself by acquiring new skills can make you more marketable. This marketability may increase personal achievement and opportunities for higher pay, which can increase your lifestyle and allow for a surplus of income that can go towards savings, outsourcing, or debt.

Meal prep food for the week in advance

Set aside a day when you prep food to be cooked throughout the week or cook food to be heated up throughout the week. Either way, it’s less to worry about as days follow. 

Have specific chore days

Split your chores. Have a laundry day, a meal prep day, a self-care day, running errands, and a cleaning day. Cramming all your to-dos can be stressful; try to space them out.

8. Aesthetic

Create a beautiful home space.

Make your house a home. You don’t need to live in a big house to find contentment and joy. Whether in a small apartment building, a private house, a condo, or a single-family home, decorate, and have pride in your space. Your environment can invoke peace and make you feel soft and luxurious. Do you ever walk into a messy space and it gives you a chaotic feeling or a room that is just bare with no personalization? Both can make one feel a bit uncomfortable.  Check out VivaTerra if you want some green living-inspired decor. They have a unique inventory!

9. Take Regular Vacations

You may not opt to travel at all, but taking some time away from work allows us to reset and intentionally unplug. Traveling produces an opportunity to change scenery, experience different cultures, and have fun. When travel or vacations become a regular part of your life, it can help you defeat that endless cycle of life schedule disdain, especially if you know your next vacation is just around the corner.

Traveling gets you out of your bubble and makes you realize there is a world to be experienced. Sometimes people equate vacations with luxury. Vacations can be luxurious (of course), but they can be planned, budgeted for, and economical. If regular vacations are not already a part of your yearly routine, try them out. I am sure you will see how much more refreshed you are.

10. Relocate

There are seasons in your life when you may need to reposition. If you find yourself drained every day thinking about the environment you are in, it may be time for another. For example: If you live in a big city and just stepping out your door is a stressor, you may need to be elsewhere. Maybe it’s the cost of living where you are, the parking, the noise, or the fact that you must live with roommates/relatives to get by. You may be by people who are not beneficial to your mental health. Don’t be afraid of change. Something in your spirit may even be telling you it’s time. Pray about it first, and make a move. Follow that up with research on an ideal place for you and some financial planning.

11. Change Careers

Do not put yourself in a box. Be fearless. Sometimes we believe ourselves to be monoliths. You are allowed to be many things in this lifetime. Don’t allow yourself to think that because you have invested so much into education and a career, you must stay in that place forever. And definitely, don’t stay where you feel unfulfilled or overworked. Don’t stay places where you feel your heart calling you elsewhere. Try to brainstorm and self-reflect about what you ultimately want. This change may be just what you needed to live a soft life because you’d be doing what you want on your terms.

12. Invest in Luxury Items

When you reach a certain level of maturity and stability as a woman, it is time to invest in luxury items. Luxury items provide you with a state of great comfort and extravagance. I believe that every woman deserves to feel luxurious. Think about the things that you desire and admire. Lean into those things, knowing they can enhance or increase your lifestyle. 

Some examples of luxury items include:

• Invest in some high-quality clothing items for your wardrobe instead of the fast fashion websites that have become popular. (A little black dress that can be worn on several occasions; A high-quality leather purse; high-quality pumps in standard colors like red, black, brown, and nude; Good quality leather flats, a cashmere sweater)

When investing in clothing and shoes, consider high-quality materials and fabrics like leather, silk, cashmere, suede, and wool. Clothing and accessories can be investment pieces to be resold in the future, should they hold value. They can also allow you to save money because they last for so long when kept in good condition. As opposed to fast fashion brands that you have to throw out with every passing season because they rip and tear or are too trendy to want to wear some years from now. 

Other Luxury Items to consider:

• A silk pillowcase to preserve that skin and moisture in your hair
• A full-sized bottle of your favorite perfume
• Timeless Jewelry pieces 
• A pretty candle (Check out PaddyWax for thoughtfully designed, beautifully fragranced candles to set the ambiance and create nostalgia throughout your home)
• A durable and fashionable suitcase for your travels
• A set of Robes to wear at home, like A long silk one, A waffle or terrycloth robe (for after a bath), or a plush one for just lounging around
• Good quality undergarments like 100% Cotton underwear (my favorites are from the Jockey Brand) or lacy and pretty lingerie sets.
• High quality close to medical grade or natural skin care. Investing in your skin while young produces apparent benefits. (Check out 100 Percent Pure– They are a company that sells all-natural skin care products and fruit-pigmented makeup. Remember that chemicals leech into the skin, and our skin is our body’s largest organ. So it is best to use products that are closest to nature. My favorite E-Commerce website Dermstore.com has a crazy inventory of some of the best skincare brands out there, be sure to check them out. Read the “Feminine Self Care Routine” blog post for some of my recommendations for yummy, good-quality products.)

Consider what resting in your femininity means when creating a Soft Life. What areas in your life can use some smoothing out? Tell me in the comments; I may be able to relate. Don’t forget to share with someone who would be interested!

Thanks for sticking by until the end!

I hope this was helpful!

Start creating that Soft Life, girl!

God bless.